Finally, after so many people have recommended it, I watched Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.  That was Saturday night after spending a lovely evening dining with friends.  The dinner we had was healthful and fantastic, and if I had stopped there, I would have been fine.  But the wine – so smooth.  And that coconut cake, I devoured every last crumb.  I would have licked the plate if I had the chance.  As if that wasn’t enough, back at home I took out a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream to soften.  What the heck – I don’t even eat ice cream!

On a side note, do any of you remember when chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream first came on the scene?  I do.  I remember as a kid sneaking into the freezer to dig out some of the frozen, lumps of dough, only to find one of my siblings had already beat me to it.  Arrrgggh.  All that teen, hormonal angst paled in comparison with the disappointment of Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream sans chocolate chip cookie dough.  Okay, back to my story.

At home, house quiet, kids in bed, with my very own pint of ice cream softening on the counter with no siblings around to wreck it, I decided to watch Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead on Netflix.  Crazy.  If you haven’t already watched or heard about it, the movie documents Joe Cross’s decision to go on a 60-day juice fast to lose weight and regain his health.  Along the way, he meets Phil Staples at a truck stop in Arizona.  Phil is morbidly obese, has all sorts of health problems and is desperate to make a change.  At the end of his rope, he calls on Joe for help.  That’s when the story gets really good.

As soon as Phil entered the movie, I had to choke back tears all the way.  Some of it was because how humbled he was at his condition and he was so open to do anything to get better.  While I thought Joe was a bit showy, he showed some real generosity as he extended himself to help Phil.  I think it’s amazing that the two just randomly met that day, and how they each gave so much of themselves to the other.

Meanwhile, I’m glued to my iPad while watching this, but still devouring the ice cream.  Not my best moment, not even close.  I went to bed Saturday night feeling physically crappy, but also full of possibility.

Sunday I updated FB, “Juice fast begins tomorrow.”  One person commented, “I thought you only ate raw food, do you really need to go on juice fast?”  Ouch.

You may notice that sometimes I write a lot about food – I’m probably eating very well.  Then I’ll go through times when I don’t, because I’m not eating so well.  I think if I had exceptional will power, I probably wouldn’t still be fighting my weight after all these years.  After watching Phil’s story, and hear him talk about never having will power, and being depressed because of the weight he’s gained, yet feels like he can’t stop eating – oh, I relate to that so much.  I may not have 200 lbs to lose, but the feelings, hopelessness and desperation are all too familiar.  Last spring when I first got serious about eating well, I experienced such a sudden change in my energy.  Losing just a small amount of weight took a tremendous amount of pressure off my hips, knees and feet.  Eating primarily plant foods directly related to the reduction of inflammation in my body.  For the first time in years I would wake up in the morning without that dreaded whole body pain that I often experience.

After that initial surge of success, I’ve been up and down ever since.  Consistently eating well has been quite a challenge.  Overall, my diet is soooo much better than it was two years ago.  But now is the time of year that those challenges get more and more intense.  Starting with Halloween candy, the time change, chilly windy days, dark afternoons, more wine in the evenings, stronger coffee in the mornings and now Thanksgiving is right around the corner.

In the movie, Joe challenges people to try juicing for just 10 days and see how you feel.  I chuckle, just ten days?  Ha!  But then I grabbed my calendar to see what 10 days would look like.  If I start right away, I can tie this up a few days before Thanksgiving.  I’m hoping that a juice fast will bring me back to that level of clarity and resolve that I experienced last spring.

For Thanksgiving I’m hosting a large family gathering this year.  I’ll serve the traditional basics with Turkey, potatoes, stuffing and pie.  Everything else I hope to share some of the fantastic raw vegan dishes I’ve fallen in love with so there will be something for everyone.  I think we’ll have a well rounded table with a lot to be grateful for.

Messy Books

Earlier last month I enjoyed a quick visit from my SIL, Mara, from A Blog About Love.  (She’s lovely, if you don’t already know it.)  While staying here, she sneaked a few photos of my home and posted them on her blog.  Actually, we talked ahead of time and I got all excited like, oh, maybe this will prompt me to move forward with a designer and get the rest of this home furnished.  Maybe I can document it on my blog.  And maybe, I’ll get some traffic!  Or, even maybe Design Mom will feature my home in one of her Living With Kids posts.  Ha, ha, ha.  Like having a gorgeous living space isn’t enough incentive.

Messy Counters

Home design is not something that I like to write about because, while I love looking at great design, I got pretty burnt out during the design and build process, moving, and selecting the few furnishings that I do have.  Oh, and the housing market collapsed.  And the financial markets.  And, hmmm, maybe I won’t get into all that.  To top it all off, seeing the wake of destruction that a mastiff puppy and a small boy can inflict on a home, sent me over the edge.  I threw in the towel and turned my attention to more gratifying pursuits like Zuma (just kidding, wink, wink), homeschooling, running and raw foods.

Messy table.

When I saw the photos that Mara posted, I was quick to notice that in every single one of them, there were piles of stuff lying around.  Yikes!  What a mess.  My husband and I lovingly refer to ourselves as “loose space” people.  Usually, it is a comfortable level of messiness.  If all the surfaces were clear, I’d feel anxious.  However, if I can’t find a book title, or an important piece of mail, I get frantic.  I look for the happy medium between sterile and chaos.  Seeing my mess, even my comfortable mess, on Mara’s blog made me slightly uncomfortable.

Messy Bedrooms

Just this last weekend I really felt the pain.  My husband had invited his colleague and family over for dinner.  I’ve met them before and think they’re great people.  To have them in my home, I wanted to make a decent impression, so I went on a cleaning Frenzy of epic proportions.  Did I really need to completely empty the coat closet and reorganize everything into plastic bins???  An hour before they were to arrive, I was exhausted and cranky.  Unfortunately, our friends called to cancel.  I was disappointed, yet I enjoyed spending a quiet evening (before my big race) with a clean house.

In a book, oblivious to the mess and everything around her.

During my cleaning frenzy, I was very conscious of how much space goes unused in my home.  The extra bedroom that I had hoped would be filled with more kids (story for another day) is now an office where unpacked moving boxes still line the wall.  The separate living and dining area, it is used only when we have company – even then, we all typically congregate in the kitchen.  The little den off the master bedroom – I’d hoped it would be a nursery.  Otherwise, I still don’t understand why master bedrooms are designed as suites.  How much space does one need for sleep?  Otherwise, who has the time to lounge about their master bedroom all day?  The piano room – I won’t argue that luxury.  Someday I imagine bookshelves will line the walls and we’ll all be fighting for couch space to read and gaze out the window.  Yet that is even redundant with our family room that also has books and a comfortable couch.  I could squeeze in the piano if need be.

Master Mess Maker

Please don’t get me wrong, I am grateful.  If it were only my decision, I may not have picked a large home.  However, I’m married, and with that partnership, decisions of this magnitude are never made by one.  The result, I have enjoyed the extra space as I fill my home with visitors, short and long term, and extended family members.  We have room for a foreign exchange student, and maybe, just maybe, more children.  It’s just a lot to maintain, and I am very aware of how consuming consumption can become.

There are days when I want to let go of it all, pack an RV (or boat!) and travel for a few years.

Image from Tiny House Family

My favorite design and home trend these day is Tiny Homes.  This particular family is so inspiring to me over at Tiny House Family blog.  While their small home of 320 square feet seems extreme, it’s a stepping stone as they become debt free and build a larger, but still small home.  I love how because there isn’t a huge amount of space inside, they spend so much more time outside gardening, exploring, creating, etc.

After my most recent, exhausting, cleaning frenzy, I’m going to be far more selective of what enters my home.  What do we want?  Versus, what do we need?  What can I give, sell or throw?  It’s a particularly good time to think about this as the holidays are quickly upon us.

How do you contain the mess with kids, dogs, family, etc?  I’d love to know.

Photo credit for all images of my home go to Mara Kofoed.

I haven’t been eating so great, lately, and so have been having a hard time writing about food.  It’s incredible to me how a bad habit will creep in slowing and then suddenly perform a complete take over.

The same can be for a good habit.  Like today while packing my son’s lunch – a half cucumber for his lunch, and then I sliced the remainder and ate it with my breakfast.  Eating raw doesn’t always have to be complex recipes that require hours for soaking, cutting, processing, and dehydrating.  Oh, believe me, I love those foods and find great satisfaction in preparing them.  But raw can also be as simple as peeling a cucumber and eating it, just like that.  Add an apple.  No prep required.  Maybe a handful of nuts with a cup of tea.  So simple, quick and stress free.

Cold and Gray.  The weather seems to reflect my mood.  Or is it that my mood reflects the weather?

My son pleaded desperately not to leave him at school this morning.  His teacher scooped him up giving him gentle, comforting words while gesturing for me to go.  Walking to my car I felt terrible for leaving him behind, uncertain that it’s even necessary, and convinced I ought to take him out and teach him at home with my daughter.  Only, I’m not so certain.  If I was certain, I would either drop him off at school with conviction while he’s kicking and screaming (literally, today, and at least a couple days a week, every week), or withdraw him today.

His teacher called before I made it home to assure me that he calmed down within seconds of me leaving.  At pickup, he was cheerful, chatty and incredibly energetic.  Aaaargh.  I’m relieved and happy he had a good day.  I wish I didn’t feel so conflicted over it.

Not feeling so vibrant, today.  Just gray.

The more I eat raw foods, the less frequent my IBS symptoms.  Yep, I’m talking about poop.  Nothing is more humiliating as a grown woman to be hopping around in search of a toilet.  If I’ve got a toddler in tow, a store employee gives a knowing smile and will kindly point the way to the restroom.  By myself, well, not everyone is so kind.  If I haven’t been turned away, I’ve heard snickering and sarcasm behind my back as I race for relief.  This was one of those mornings I received a painful reminder that eating certain foods will always produce the same, unpleasant result.

My 4yo was ready and raring to go to school on-time with no tears, no temper tantrums, and no complaints.  I was too, or so I thought.  We left the garage to make our way to his school.  Before emerging from Chicago’s underground maze of tunnels, I knew I wasn’t going to make it.  Anxiety (in addition to poor diet) can also fuel the symptoms, so knowing I could get caught in the middle of the loop during rush hour without a quick and easy place to stop, park, and find a bathroom is the sure thing to bring it it on.  I turned around and drove home.  JP was confused, but excited that we weren’t going to school.  The symptoms passed quickly (whew! okay, enough detail), but then I had to rush to an appointment, and after that, school was simply impractical.  Because of my fickle GI system, he won a day with Mommy.  Okay, that wasn’t so bad.  He’s great company.

Here he is teaching me his meditation techniques he learned at school.  His teachers call it “The Silence Game”.  Om.

All this reminded me to make a fresh batch of almond milk.  Almonds   Dairy Ø